Daddy, make a picture
I’m thinking about working on this design… honest
My 3 year old daughter is really a 92 year old grandmother
June 15th, 2005 in icky parenting stuff Tags: No Tags.
They call this one “The Little Tooter.” I kid you not, I wouldn’t make that up, would I?
I used to think Big Sister was actually the reincaration of my late Grandmother Natalie. The dead (pardon the pun, did I say dead?) giveaway is when I go to kiss the kids in the morning before leaving for work, Little Sister and Big Brother give me full on sloppy mouth kisses. But Big Sister turns her cheek towards me ever so slightly so she doesn’t muss up her lipstick and her ‘do.
My one still-living Grandmother (is that a way to describe a Grandmother?? Jeez-US!) is 92, lives all alone in Scranton, PA in a house filled to the rafters with Hummels which she can spend hours of fun-filled hours showing off to unsuspecting grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Last month we tossed the kids in the back of the van and went up to Scranton because the kids don’t spend enough time locked in a house with priceless figurines.
Big Sister displayed (of course) her fine kissing-up talents. She pointed right to “Children On The Alter Of C’Thulu” and asked Grandma (in her best kiss-up voice that Daddy taught her) “What’s that, Great-Grandma?”
Hopefully Grandma hasn’t told her about the shares of Google she bought on the day of the IPO. Otherwise, the rest of us are out of the will.
Those shares are so locked up by the one kid already, you might as well begin sucking up to your daughter.
Facts of parenthood;
Q. Who’s in charge?
A. Start with youngest female in house, second is next youngest, and so on until you reach 18 years old. Now repeat for males. Then your wife, then any visiting granparents, any pets and I’m pretty sure there is no one else after you
Q. Who owns what in the house/car/garden/relatives house?
A. See above. This includes your wallet.
Q. Who decides the daily routine.
A. See above. Insert boss at second to last.
You get the picture?